I previously speculated about a possible reason why Gammons's writing is so patently horrible and clearly not read by any editor, since, as we've repeatedly pointed out, it doesn't take a grammar whiz to spot many of his errors. (However, as something of a grammar whiz myself, I've found it's more fun, if more excruciating, to read his drivel.) To summarize, I theorized that Gammons's "illness" was actually an attempt by ESPN to save face over his extended absence due to a contract dispute, a dispute that was resolved only when ESPN acceded to Gammons's request that his columns and blog entries be completely unedited.
Those of you who were horrified at the notion that I would trivialize a person's serious illness will be happy to learn that I was wrong. Here's the proof - a horribly written post from way back on May 19, 2006. Hey, that's our father's birthday! Happy birthday, Dad - here's a piece of shit blog entry! Some highlights (lowlights?):
I'm assuming that Gammons isn't telling us that Minaya literally "isn't blind". Gammons, then, must be using one of those metaphor thingies. The thing is, though, that metaphors are only effective and coherent if they continue past their first use or are otherwise explained. Here, Gammons starts off talking about Minaya's figurative blindness, but then, follow me carefully here, never mentions it again. It ends up not appearing to be a metaphor at all, but rather an assessment of his health. "Mets GM Omar Minaya isn't blind; he does, however, have a nagging toothache, and he may need surgery on his tennis elbow if it doesn't start showing signs of improvement." If you think that criticism was a stretch, how about the phrase "he's a ways away"? That definitely sucks.
This sentence is priceless. I don't even know where to begin. First of all, why would he compare Wang to the guy with the second-best ground-ball ratio? Why not just compare him to, I don't know, Derek Lowe? Second, if they have two of the four best ratios, that means they're not both "after leader Derek Lowe"; there must be another guy who's third. Hey, Gammons, why didn't you just write: "Wang has the fourth-best ground ball/fly ball ratio in the majors." That tells us the exact same information and it's not full of gratuitous name dropping and confusing, meaningless comparisons!
I'm just going to have to rewrite this one, because it's just so abjectly horrendous.
How much of an improvement is that? Regardless, here you have undeniable proof that Gammons's writing sucked as far back as early 2006, before his illness. The search for the truth about his lack of editor continues...
Those of you who were horrified at the notion that I would trivialize a person's serious illness will be happy to learn that I was wrong. Here's the proof - a horribly written post from way back on May 19, 2006. Hey, that's our father's birthday! Happy birthday, Dad - here's a piece of shit blog entry! Some highlights (lowlights?):
Mets GM Omar Minaya isn't blind. He's suffered through Lima Time, and Brian Bannister is still on hold. He believes John Maine is going to be very good, but he's a ways away, and rushing Mike Pelfrey (4.15 ERA, 30 H, 21 2/3 IP in Double A) has more long-term downside than upside.
I'm assuming that Gammons isn't telling us that Minaya literally "isn't blind". Gammons, then, must be using one of those metaphor thingies. The thing is, though, that metaphors are only effective and coherent if they continue past their first use or are otherwise explained. Here, Gammons starts off talking about Minaya's figurative blindness, but then, follow me carefully here, never mentions it again. It ends up not appearing to be a metaphor at all, but rather an assessment of his health. "Mets GM Omar Minaya isn't blind; he does, however, have a nagging toothache, and he may need surgery on his tennis elbow if it doesn't start showing signs of improvement." If you think that criticism was a stretch, how about the phrase "he's a ways away"? That definitely sucks.
Wang is the AL's Brandon Webb, as the pair have two of the four best ground ball to fly ball ratios (after leader Derek Lowe) in the majors and is coming off an 18/3 GB/FB night against the Rangers.
This sentence is priceless. I don't even know where to begin. First of all, why would he compare Wang to the guy with the second-best ground-ball ratio? Why not just compare him to, I don't know, Derek Lowe? Second, if they have two of the four best ratios, that means they're not both "after leader Derek Lowe"; there must be another guy who's third. Hey, Gammons, why didn't you just write: "Wang has the fourth-best ground ball/fly ball ratio in the majors." That tells us the exact same information and it's not full of gratuitous name dropping and confusing, meaningless comparisons!
For instance, the Marlins may listen on Willis come the All-Star break, but they have told other teams that if they do, they want a Bartolo Colon deal -- three premium prospects (of which Grady Sizemore and Cliff Lee are close to All-Star status).
I'm just going to have to rewrite this one, because it's just so abjectly horrendous.
For instance, the Marlins have told other teams that they will only listen to offers for Willis if they get three premium prospects in return. The Indians held out for a similar deal when they traded Bartolo Colon, and they ended up with two All-Star caliber players: Grady Sizemore and Cliff Lee. (Actually, the third, Brandon Phillips, was an All-Star this year, with the Reds. Pretty sweet deal, in retrospect.)
How much of an improvement is that? Regardless, here you have undeniable proof that Gammons's writing sucked as far back as early 2006, before his illness. The search for the truth about his lack of editor continues...
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